“ARL, LET IT GO,” Kaylan’s Dragon Age Epic Part 8

SOOOOOOOOOOO everything is easier when you use those rune things and use the codex to find out where to go. I got so sucked into side questing that I forgot where to go to continue the plot.

I know this is wrong, but I am really going to enjoy killing Loghain. Hopefully it’s soon after the Landsmeet AND THEN MAYBE I CAN VISIT MY DAD IN THE ELF SLUMS. Ugh, hiring those bigoted murderous rapists, rewarding them for their vile actions.

Whoa, walked in on some guard getting a Blowie. Legit: so far while I’m trying to save the king, the guy getting a blowjob is the only guard to notice me.

Found a charming Grey Warden! (I already forgot his name…I just watched that scene.) He is freeee and said he would seek us out later after medical treatment. Than I went in his cell AND FOUND TORTURE TOOLS AND BLOOD. I AM GONNA MURDER THIS FAMILY

This place is an absolute horror show.

Oh what the hell I hope you got me thrown in jail, because you’re a triple crosser.

Oghren and Wynne saving me was purdy funny. (Also Alistair in underwear is A-OK with me!

Oh, it’s my fault for not being subtle enough? Sorry.

Uh… Should I make her the Queen? SO MANY TOUGH CHOICES.

LOL okay thanks Alistair; you won’t be king. Between the moment in ME2 when Mordin gave me the “don’t ingest” speech and my stating Alistair knows nothing of being a king and his response, “No, I don’t and I have been telling you both that this whole time,” I’ve not laughed so loudly or so hard at video games. I also had no idea he was in the room listening, so I was startled. Thanks bear; glad you weren’t offended

ARL, LET IT GO.

Oh great Warden dungeon dude, your name is Riordan! Thanks, I was feeling bad for immediately forgetting.

So…..what you’re telling me is that Duncan was always a gorgeous sexy-voiced dude. I figured that. YOU DIDNT TELL ME ANYTHING NEW, RIORDAN.

I truly do believe that A was the real ruler, not her moron hubby. (WE DO NOT SPEAK HIS NAME, IT SOUNDS TOO MUCH LIKE MINE OUT LOUD.)

But srsly that guy… So self-involved and dumb.

Okay, once again I am going to back her as Queen. I HOPE I DON’T REGRET THIS.

Also I think Arl E is trying to rule through Alistair. Using my boo like that is not okay.

I am not EVER picking the option for Alistair to marry that lady. HRRRRRUUUUUMMMMPPPPHHH. I am selfish on this.

WORST HOMECOMING EVER! Somehow everyone is poorer and they all have some plague, the dogs are feral… I mean WE WEREN’T ALL THAT WELL OFF BEFORE WHAT THE FUCK. I. Will. Kill. Loghain!

IS MY DAD DEAD?!

—okay there is a small chance my dad isn’t dead, just a sick prisoner. STILL HORRID.

Oh, and they abducted my cousin Soris’s wifey. Nope…not making me like y’all more, Denerim humans.

WHAT, SLAVERS?? OH HELL NO. My people are being sold as slaves… WHY IS MY STORY SO SAD AND INFURIATING?!

AWWW I FOUND MY DAD!!! He is okay!!!

Helping Ser Otto out before I continue on. Clues point to an evil deranged 27-year-old looking orphan (seriously, once you grow up no one should refer to you as an “orphan.” Maybe let you be an adult? Make your own family. Or just refer to you by your name!) who hears voices and a pool of blood that won’t congeal. I bet it’s a demon.

—was that a baby spirit running away…

—oh god I hate singing ghost kids… It’s so creepy

—yup demons… And I cured the crazy out of the orphan beggar.

Off to the Landsmeet or whatever

I’m gonna kill Loghain.

Kaylan Kennedy played this entire game over a period of days in March 2015. Jennifer is still trying to catch up on posting all of the messages Kaylan sent recounting her progress during that time period.